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I prefer the term "Non-workforce Project Manager" but I mostly answer to Mom or "Hey you!"

Thursday, October 6, 2011

So today the Bloodhound Gang gave me an anxiety attack

Today was our very first real 'wintery' kind of day... rain and all that jazz.  

OMG! Side note! This morning Derek (a co-inhibitor of our hippie commune) wanted to walk the girls to school. Normally this is what we do, we walk the girls 4 blocks away to their really bitchin pre-school with a neighbor *Chris* who's daughter Sophia is in Delilah and Marilyn's class. Well I guess it's normally just me since Trevor and Derek work and Shirley is in nursing school but whatever :) 

ANYWAY! Derek wanted to walk, I said "Uhhh, it's raining" but Derek was having none of that and said that it wasn't raining right then so it was cool. Fast forward about 30 seconds and it's a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR! HA! We get the girls ready for school and they go out front to play with their umbrellas in the quasi rain that is happening through the sun screen tarpy thing... when who should appear?! Chris! With Sophia and his little baby Amelia. Chris is wearing a rain slicker and the girls are in a stroller with a huge umbrella. Chris asked Derek if we were walking and I said "HELL no!" But I think Derek was shamed into it so he plopped the girls into their double stroller, gave them their umbrellas and said he was going to walk. In the rain. In shorts. With no umbrella or jacket. I was laughing for at least 10 minutes after they left. And yes, he came home and said he would drive to get the girls.

End of side note.

Back to our first wintery day!

So I wanted to go see Trevor during his lunch time, since I was on my way to go see my friend Kim up in Roseville at her store (Children's Orchard) to look for rain jackets for my kids cause I'm a bad (broke) mom who doesn't buy my kids the essentials. *SIGH* Whatever. I'm driving along listening to the Bloodhound Gang (Which Delilah did NOT approve of BTW) when it happens. I do it a lot... I'm sitting there, in this instance, listening to a song I really like when I start to daydream. It starts innocent enough... I'm at a karaoke bar singing whatever song I'm currently rocking out to then BAM!!!!! It goes bad :( All of a sudden I'm SINGING AT A KARAOKE BAR! EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME! OMG I'M GOING TO DIEEEE!

Heart races

Stomach clenches

Face and neck get clammy

To get out of such an episode I have to do the same thing I do at night when I wake up and realize TREVOR LEFT THE FUCKING CLOSET OPEN AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE THERE IS A MONSTER IN THE CLOSET! Which is breathe, smile (Because a monster can't eat you if you're smiling. It's totally a rule!) and tell myself that it isn't real and I need to CALM DOWN BEFORE I CRASH AND KILL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE! 

I guess crashing doesn't really apply if we're talking about the closet but I think you get my drift. 

And don't even get me started on what happens if I have to go out of my room at night and everything's dark because it's when you've turned off that last light and it's dark behind you and you're ALMOST safe in your room when THE MONSTER OF THE DARK WILL PULL YOU OUT OF YOUR DOORWAY BEFORE YOU SHUT THE DOOR AND EAT YOU!!!!

Welcome to my small corner of crazy and sweet dreams to all....

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