So today the Bloodhound Gang gave me an anxiety attack

Today was our very first real 'wintery' kind of day... rain and all that jazz.  


OMG! Side note! This morning Derek (a co-inhibitor of our hippie commune) wanted to walk the girls to school. Normally this is what we do, we walk the girls 4 blocks away to their really bitchin pre-school with a neighbor *Chris* who's daughter Sophia is in Delilah and Marilyn's class. Well I guess it's normally just me since Trevor and Derek work and Shirley is in nursing school but whatever :) 


ANYWAY! Derek wanted to walk, I said "Uhhh, it's raining" but Derek was having none of that and said that it wasn't raining right then so it was cool. Fast forward about 30 seconds and it's a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR! HA! We get the girls ready for school and they go out front to play with their umbrellas in the quasi rain that is happening through the sun screen tarpy thing... when who should appear?! Chris! With Sophia and his little baby Amelia. Chris is wearing a rain slicker and the girls are in a stroller with a huge umbrella. Chris asked Derek if we were walking and I said "HELL no!" But I think Derek was shamed into it so he plopped the girls into their double stroller, gave them their umbrellas and said he was going to walk. In the rain. In shorts. With no umbrella or jacket. I was laughing for at least 10 minutes after they left. And yes, he came home and said he would drive to get the girls.


End of side note.




Back to our first wintery day!


So I wanted to go see Trevor during his lunch time, since I was on my way to go see my friend Kim up in Roseville at her store (Children's Orchard) to look for rain jackets for my kids cause I'm a bad (broke) mom who doesn't buy my kids the essentials. *SIGH* Whatever. I'm driving along listening to the Bloodhound Gang (Which Delilah did NOT approve of BTW) when it happens. I do it a lot... I'm sitting there, in this instance, listening to a song I really like when I start to daydream. It starts innocent enough... I'm at a karaoke bar singing whatever song I'm currently rocking out to then BAM!!!!! It goes bad :( All of a sudden I'm SINGING AT A KARAOKE BAR! EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME! OMG I'M GOING TO DIEEEE!


Heart races


Stomach clenches


Face and neck get clammy


To get out of such an episode I have to do the same thing I do at night when I wake up and realize TREVOR LEFT THE FUCKING CLOSET OPEN AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE THERE IS A MONSTER IN THE CLOSET! Which is breathe, smile (Because a monster can't eat you if you're smiling. It's totally a rule!) and tell myself that it isn't real and I need to CALM DOWN BEFORE I CRASH AND KILL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE! 


I guess crashing doesn't really apply if we're talking about the closet but I think you get my drift. 


And don't even get me started on what happens if I have to go out of my room at night and everything's dark because it's when you've turned off that last light and it's dark behind you and you're ALMOST safe in your room when THE MONSTER OF THE DARK WILL PULL YOU OUT OF YOUR DOORWAY BEFORE YOU SHUT THE DOOR AND EAT YOU!!!!


Welcome to my small corner of crazy and sweet dreams to all....

And the devil spawn shall be called, Michael

Sooo This weekend was CRAZY!  We drove down to my home town of Paso Robles for my friend Tenaya's baby shower and wedding.  She's from Idaho these days so it was all planned from 4 different cities and 2 different states so it was amazing that everything came together so perfectly!  It was so beautiful and the happy couple was... well happy I guess :D  Also as an aside, I was the BEST best friend (that's for you Mikey if you ever read this.)  


I may do another post about Saturday but this post is about an event that occurred on Sunday.  We had stayed at my parents house with a dual purpose of visiting with them and my brother before he goes into basic training in Georgia next week.  And we are always broke so hotels are a smidge too fancy for us :)  


Anyway, back to Sunday...  We were getting ready to hit the road when I went outside to visit with my mom and dad who were in the backyard.   I noticed a cool looking plant in the corner of the patio and asked my mom about it.  She said that plant was named Hitler-Stalin-Mussolini and that she hated it cause it attacks her every time she's over there either plugging something in or watering the 'damn thing.'  Which is lucky she even waters it!  "It even spawns!"  she said.  I was giggling the whole time she was talking about how they got it from a friend in Arizona and it survived the 11 hour motorcycle ride home and how evil it is. 

Btw my dad is just smiling as my mom goes on. 


Anyway she then says that she aborted it's devil spawn.  My dad chimes in to say that he saved the aborted devil spawn and planted it in a far corner of the yard.  My mom gave him a dirty look as I giggle.  The whole thing was very funny. 

I had already asked and received cuttings from a succulent my mom has thriving in her yard so I asked for the new devil spawn that had sprouted from Hitler-Stalin-Mussolini that she was also going to 'abort'.  So mom went into the garage for her 'abortion tool' which turns out is a flat head screw driver.  (I thought it was going to be a wire coat hanger and a tampon but tomato/potato)  After she got the sprout, aka devil spawn, out she put it in the pot with the other cuttings and dubbed him Michael.  


So that's how I ended up with the devil spawn plant named Michael :)

Michael is the pointy one in the bottom center of the pot

Poor abused Trevor, but it's still only a B

Last night Trevor asked me what I would do for him if he detailed my car today (yes we often trade unsavory jobs for sexual favors).  After thinking about it I asked "Well what do you want?"  See there is a strategy in that question!  I didn't want to do it but I also didn't want to give too much for him to do it.  You know, get the best value for my sexy parts.  So we decided on the 'price' for lack of a better word and he started today around 2.  


After doing some chores around the house, Nora and I pulled some chairs out to watch Daddy doing 'manly' stuff.  It was then that I realized that I didn't set any ground rules on quality in our dealings.  Since at this point we had added another observer of Trevor's manly antics I asked Shirley (a little loudly so Trevor could also hear) if it would be fair to "grade" Trevors performance.  If he got an A he would get all he asked for, B a little less ect ect ect... Shirley said YES!  Trevor said NO!  Well since I was the deciding vote I voted for a grade :D 


Sigh...  Also I couldn't take watching him anymore!!  I started twitching when I could see that he hadn't vacuumed all the dirt out.  Or the windows had gunk in the corners!  Or there were still water spots on the outside of my car!  And don't get me started on the rims!  Gaaaaahhh!  I ended up helping him with the inside.  So tomorrow is phase 2 of the deal gone bad for Trevor.  


I just have to point out that this was an UNSOLICITED offer!  I did NOT ask for this.  Trevor OFFERED!  He offered having known me for years.  I say he brought this on himself.  


Giggle, side note!  When I was sitting in the backseat asking about all the things I saw as not finished (and he thought they were) I also asked if he was ever going to offer to detail my car again.  Unsurprisingly he said "Uhh, hell no."




P.s. Next time say "I'll wash the outside of your car" not "I'll 'Detail' your car" cause washing and detailing are waaayyy different mister!  I would not expect anywhere near the level of detail in an exterior wash as I do for a 'detailing'.


P.s.s. Trevor is very un-amused by this post.  Sorry babe!  But you brought this on yourself as well by bugging me to start my own blog >:)


P.s.s.s (Last one I swear) All joking aside, Trevor has done an excellent job so far on the car!  He is a saint for putting up with my craziness and seriously I doubt anyone else would see the issues that I see.